So It Begins

The story of my life is beautiful. First, I'm alive. I've been blessed with GREAT friends, a loving family, and a wonderful daughter. However, in the same token...looks can be deceiving.

Although I cannot pretend to fully reflect my life through words (living it is it's only true reflection). I can try to give myself and others a glimpse of the complexity. Maybe even help someone out there in the world, with my words.

Here's my story.

I was raised on a farm in a small town (I'm not sure if it even classifies as a town)to a Southern Baptist family. Although we were not regular church goers-we were and are believers. Mom and dad worked hard for us kids (just myself and younger brother). We had nice things. Not spoiled, in the least bit...I'd say lower middle class. Life was simple.

I dated a little in high school. But then...then...I met the person who would change my life in a bittersweet way.
Only a Senior I decided I was "in love." We met in Jan. 02 then got married in June 02.

Ohhhh if only I could of talked to that young, naive,Shawna...would that of changed anything? Probably not. Honestly, I'm not quite sure I would want to change my outcome-then I would never have my beautiful little girl.

The young boy I met was in the Air Force, strikingly handsome and I fell hard.
Married young I worked my way through college (yay me). Even from the beginning of our relationship it was tainted. I would just hide this fact somewhere deep in my heart/mind...ignore it.

He was one of those bad boys-A tainted life. I thought I could save him (and I tried-tried damn hard). But no one can change anyone. You are who you are. Life events make you what you are today. A blessing? Yes. A curse? Yes.

Our relationship started with accusations of cheating. Him cheating on me with the "friend" who brought us together. FIRST SIGN. But again, I was so young and so naive.

After nearly 8 years of marriage...I grew the balls to stand up for myself, for my happiness and asked for divorce. Here's the kicker. I'm only 25. I'm now a single mom at the young age of 25. Wow.

I'm starting this blog as a healing method. A healing journal. Something that I can go back to and see the growth within me. Maybe one day, if I do meet a significant other I can lead him here so he completely understand me and my situation.

Honestly, I'm not sad. I'm HAPPY. So excited to get on with my life...so eager to see what the world has to offer me. So ready to live on my own and not walk on eggshells again. So ready to get out of this toxicity.